MOTHERS AS LEADERS OF TEENAGERS

We live in a society of many single parent homes. Children are being sent back and forth between mom and dad. A parent may feel guilty about the whole deal, but does not know what, or how to make it better.
Hang in there! God has made you the parent and He will give you the grace and wisdom to make it work. Teenagers cause a great deal of stress and chaos in the home at times. They are dealing with issues in the own small world that seem very looming and big to them and are. Peer pressure, failing in school, lack of friends or the right friends, divorce in the home, dad’s absence in the home - all can contribute partially to their stress.
What can you do about it? First, no parent is a Super Mom. You cannot take away all their problems that they have and face. The key is to place everything that you do and say to these teenagers under the power of prayer. It IS TOO much for you without prayer.
Just be there. It is really more difficult to be a presence in the life of your teenager rather than to be there confronting them and telling them what they should and should not be doing. That seems too easy, but is more difficult than you think – to be that presence.
A teenager knows it all and can figure things out for themselves – in their thinking. Mom is too old to know what they are going through, does not understand (who does) and out of touch with their life style. They need to see stability in you, support in their accomplishments, interest in the things they like (Rather you really are), and just to be there for them.
Teenagers do not like their privacy invaded. Because we are mom, we think that we should know everything going on. We should, to a degree, however if we do not show them that we trust them, they will give us something to prove that w can’t. Ask permission to enter their room. Respect their privacy.

Teenagers do not like to be nagged and yelled out. Actually, when you do this, they will tune you out and you will get nowhere with them. They have ear plugs and CD’s to tune you out. Treat them with respect in your manner of talking with them. Back off it they do not want to talk at that moment. Try another time or even ask when would be a good time. You may shock them!
Do your best to tolerate their friends. Yes, you may not approve of them, but it is who they chose to be friends with. You must respect that and show it. Pray that God will change things without interfering, and causing resentment from them toward you. Who knows, you may be able to do some good in the lives of their friends by your kindness toward them.
Accept them for what they are. They have different hair styles, clothing they like to wear, shoes, and so on. Remember, they are in a different generation and what you wore is probably outdated anyhow. Styles change and so do teenagers in what they wear from one generation to another. Remember, they are searching for their identity and seeking acceptance from someone. They need you more than they realize!
Teach you teenager to make a difference in the world. Let them know that someone made those clothes, shoes and hair styles before they ever tried or wore them. Those people were the ones who initiated the designs. Let them know that God wants them to be brave enough to be a unique person with capabilities to do the same. It is OK to be different which takes a confidence and good self-esteem in one’s self to do so. So really what they wear is not their choice, but that of someone who is out to make a name for themselves and a good sell. They do not have to buy into that if they choose not to.
Love them, pray for them, spend time with them, accept their friends, bake something with them, take them to get their driver’s l incense when they are 16, show them that you trust them, buy them something that you would not wear, be cool, they will love you! Many times, parents want to live through their child and made decisions for them base on what they missed in life or wanted for themselves and never had. Be careful! God has given that teenager to YOU, Mom. What you do with that is your responsibility that will make a difference in their life. Use it wisely, because you only have them for a few more years.
© Kidzminstry.net Jeanne McIntosh All Rights reserved. 2010.

Note form Chaplain Jeanne 5/06/2010

People are hurting every day. They have problems that they need to share with someone. Some do not have a close relationship with God; therefore, do not feel a connection to a source that gives them comfort in time of need. It is the duty of a Chaplain to help them connect to their inner feelings, express them, give them hope, and lead them to a faith and trust in God. He alone, is the ultimate source for their strength and fears. He used the Chaplain.

I stopped by to see if there was a patient who needed some help the other day. I was headed to another location to work and decided to check if anyone needed me where I had stopped. A Chaplain had visited a certain patient who was very ill for me earlier. I decided (thought came to my mind) to follow up since I was at the location. A staff member told me that she was out - meaning non responsive. I gave it a try. During the course of the visit, the patient opened her eyes several times and seemed with me. Talked with her and prayed. A couple days later I stopped by and a staff member told me she was dying. I went in to see her and told this staff member ; she seemed surprised to hear that. I thank God that he gave her another opportunity to seek him; as I know he sent me to see her. What a blessing that I obeyed.

I came across a mother who was in the ER pregnant, lost her job, and her son in ER due to trying to take his life. She was upset emotional and crying - not knowing what to do or how she would make it. I attempted to encourage her and suggested Social Services. They were on their way to help her. As I visited with her son, I heard a story from his perspective. He was not doing well in school, felt they were against him, tired of his mom's yelling, ect, back and forth between his dad and mom, did not like his mom, and felt life was no use in living. What a mess! I could see he needed someone understanding to just listen to him, support him, and give him hope. I shared some reasons why he needed to live, encouraged him to look in the future not just the present, as life has a way of changing for the better after those teen years. I encouraged him to watch his responses to others and be more tolerant with his mother and respectful. He listened very well, and I hope and pray took to heart what I shared with him. I have since prayed for this young man that God will use what I said. However, he did not want to see his mother when I told him she was waiting. I conveyed this to her. She was defensive and told her not to feel she was the blame. We are none the blame for what other choices people make - good or bad. However, we do influence others and need to be careful of how we live so others see Christ in us.

Note form Chaplain Jeanne 5/01/2010

Met a gentleman who was a church musician and in need of some emotional support. His pastor had came quite some distance to visit him. He has trouble with his lungs and cannot sing any longer. He has a great desire to make a recording of his music for his family. This patient was so glad that a chaplain came to visit him. He knows that he needs to take better care of himself in the future.

Another couple was having difficulty in accepting a caner diagnosis. The patient (wife) did not want to go for this kind of treatment. She wanted to live longer and continue her work in the church. She was a great worker in leading others in compassionate work in the church - a card ministry. She did not want it to fall by the wayside. She felt she had affected so many lives and touched them in great ways. I believe her! That is so sad, especially when we have those in the church who will not work hardly at all. They are too busy with other priorities. God calls all of us to work for him and build His Kinggom.

A pastor from local town who was a patient thought it would be good for the Chaplain to attend the minister's meetings at the hospital. He thinks it would be good for another lady to be present for the other women who attend, and invited me to attend. He added that the Chaplain was better looking than her boss. Better not let him know that.:)


Talked to another minister who was getting ready to go into surgery. He had a diagnosis that did not appear good .; He preaches and has support of other pastors.He wanted to talk away from his family and then expressed his concern and that he wants to live for his two children until they are taken care of. We had prayer together for him and he commented I had covered it all upon ending the prayer.

Note form Chaplain Jeanne 4/30/2010

Walking into one patients room I offered him a Scripture card. He accepted and immediately asked for his glasses. He went on to shared how they had went on a vacation as a family and how his wife died from carbon monoxide as soon as she arrived at the hospital, and that he had almost did. He presently lives with his son. He shared how he had lost his daughter died when she was 26, and his son with he was 46. He added that he had heard God will not put more on you than you can bear. What a testimony!

Who really is NOT ever cross with someone or says things that they should not say. I am not that perfect, but am working on it. There was a patient who felt ready to die according to guest present who has been their caregiver. The caregiver told me that the patient does not want to be alone when she dies. She talked about how much time she had spent with the patient over the years and was always oncall for her at any time. She said she had never once been cross with her and ever said anything mean to her. She truely cared for this person as a genuine friend.

There was a Patient who had an addiction to smoking. She really did not want to quite bad enough. She said she would like to have the desire to quit but she did not have the desire to do that. She shared that she lived with her sister who was controlling and judgmental and it bothered her. Her sister would allow her to smoke in her house - amazing enough! Her sister used to be a smoker and had quite smoking cold turkey. She did not feel that her sister could helo her to quit because she felt she would not do it the way that she needed it done - too controlling. I asked the Patient what would be good reasons to quit and she shared some good reasons why she should quit. Until she is willing to give them up she will not get help; she would probably like God to take the desire away like he did for her sister, but God does not always work that way. Sometimes, we have to help our self. She wanted to go into a program that would do it for her and watch over her as she had her withdrawals.

I visited a young man shared how on his way to the hospital his friend called in "Jesus" in the car, and his pain stopped. He was amazed! When chaplain prayed he held his hand in the air, and prayed also for some time after chaplain was completed. Amazing!

A dear lady was sitting in a chair when I entered her room. She looked fairly well. She shared how she had been raised by a great stepmother after her mother died. Said a pastor told her once she was not a Christian because she did not go to church when she was sick an unable to attend. She said she hopes God is walking with her. She did not seem to have assurance that she was ok spiritually. It is sad the way some pastors have been judgmental toward their congregation in causing them undue fear because they are too sick to go to church. It is one thing staying home because you don't want to go, and another thing when you are too sick.

Pt shared she was agoraphobic and schizophrenic. Her mother is obese. They really need help at their home. They cannot cut the lawn and received a warning that the city would do it and they would be charge. She told them she can't. She also shared that she has a bran aneurysm. She expressed interest in a certain book that someone at the hospital gave to another patient. I did not know what she was talking about and never did find out later either. I suggested that she contact a certain church that I knew in the area, and contact and Social Services for their needs they had..

A certain Patient said she was a Catholic, and had married a Methodist. She now attends a Baptist church. She said she was surprised at how many churches will not offer to pick someone up who needs a ride. She is going with her neighbor at this time to church. It is sad when the church does not meet theses needs in the community. Jesus reach out into the community, He did not stay inside the building of a church. We must go out!

Note form Chaplain Jeanne 4/10/2010

As people get older, and some even younger, they have difficult with memory. I hope that is something that I never have to face as I grow older. I met an 88 year old patient who was thinking she was 50 years old, and when I asked how old her husband was she said 50. I then realized she was back in time. She used to work for Rikes (which has a new name now) and shared how her husband was verbally abusive to her. She would just ignore him. Now a-days a women would leave a man that treated her that way - normally. She said they were going out of state next week or so, and that her son was getting married who was 40. She was confusing and things, events, did not add up; bless her heart she must have lived in a not so happy marriage for many years. She said her husband was a boss of many people. Glad he was not my boss!

There are people who have a more difficult time struggling with their faith than others. This patient was experiencing this and wanted to save the whole world though. She trusted God and wanted to be a blessing to others. She said her sister was judgmental toward all the family and she cried a lot.

One patent said they did not have peace, but was not ready to make that decision. They indicated they were still learning somewhat about the journey, and just needed more time to think about it. Not sure how much time they need, but risky thing to think.

Of all surprises, and you have them when you meet so many new people, I ran into an old boss I used to work for. She may have been surprised as well. She did say I looked good, and I simply offered our services to her and left. It was a job that I was completely overqualified to do and they knew it.

Had a patient who had an ulcer burst at home. They went to ER and was told they would have bled to death. They had been under stress for while and there had been a death in the family.God takes care of us - that the Lord!

Note form Chaplain Jeanne 4/01/2010

Patient was having difficulty sleeping due to she had not had a BM in several days. She wanted the chaplain to sit with her and hold her hand. Chaplain sang to her several hymns and quoted some Scripture. Patient said she would like to know if she was ready spiritually and I told her you can know. She said she asks God to forgive her all the time. I shared with her that we have to trust and have faith. Satan is out to rob that away from us and she needs to thank God instead. She said I had no idea how much I had helped her. She asked me to keep her in my prayers, and I promised her that I would do that. She was a dear sweet lady that may need to go to the nursing home due to not being able to take care of herself. I am so glad that God sent me to her and this seemed to be part of His plan for me that evening.

Another patient was dying and the family was present when I arrived. They were Muslins I found out during the course of the visit. The wife asked me if I believed in miracles and I told her I sure do. I had prayer for the patient and sat with her for a while. The wife told me she prays to God or Jesus she didn't know which was which at times. I told her there was only one way way to heaven, and encouraged her that God would take him when it was his time. He was a doctor that had practiced for 50 years. The daughter arrived and wanted to know why he was not on a ventilator and wanted to talk with her dad alone. I left and returned later and she apologized that she did not mean to sound that way. No offense taken. She asked me to pray again for her father and we held hands. It was a privilege to pray for a muslin family the way I pray as a Christian. The wife seemed to have a belief in God pointed up toward heaven in talking about Him. We cannot judge the hearts of man - that is God's job to do - not mine.

I was called for a patient who was wanting the doctor to give her some medicine for her pain. The doctor and patient was in a great discussion that did not sound too promising for the patient. The patient had ran out into the hall screaming at the doctor and cursing earlier for some reason. He was none too happy with the patient and abrupt while I was there. I did not see the screaming, but the nurse told me later about that part. The patient got up and left walking right by me. I asked her if I could help an any way, and she just left the hospital, I guess. Whew! This was not a good things to happen in the hospital with other patients in hearing distance. There will be some negative things that happen.